


You do not mean what I think you mean?!

by Illidria



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, LLF Comment Project, at the expense of Buccaneer, day 4: Protection, livmilesweek 2017, smut warning, this is an elaborate dirty joke, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 01:06:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12806256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illidria/pseuds/Illidria
Summary: Buccaneer walks in and quickly back out again. But the damage is done and Olivier is already laughing.





	You do not mean what I think you mean?!

**Author's Note:**

> Brand me childish, but this was the joke that came to my mind instantly upon reading this prompt^^  
> I'm a little bit sorry, but this is my second entry of day four of LivMilesWeek 2017, for the prompt "Protection". I really hope you find it as funny as I do ;)  
> It was the first bad joke that came to my mind at this prompt, so naturally I had to make a thousand-words-lead-up…

The small supplies room was stuffed full of their moans.

Not that it had been empty before, filled with cleaning supplies and rolls upon rolls of spare toilet paper. The urge had taken over them at less romantic places before and the day was slow enough, so a short-lived disappearance would go unnoticed.

She pulled off her jacket in the enclosed space, hitting them over the head with it by accident.

“Why are we here again?!”

Voice throaty and breathless at the same time, her body pressing into his in all the right places. Managed to speak between open-mouthed kisses, though barely, the blood usually reserved for thinking having fled south.

“You thought it a grand idea to palm me through my pants in the mess-hall.”

Between another set of sloppy kisses, she made a noise of acknowledgement. Let her hands wander to his belt, his own not idle either, sneaking beneath the black thermos shirt everybody at Briggs wore.

There was no denying, though he relied on experience in the dark of the closet, that she looked a hundred times more stunning in it.

Sneaked beneath it, pushed it upwards when she gasped, her own hands not idle. Where pushing the uniform-jacket from his shoulders, his own thermo-shirt out of the waistband of his pants. Fumbled with the belt, only stopping when he sneaked into her bra, flicking what he found.

“You’re a god-damn tease!”

Hissed almost, a strong leg pushing between his, forcing his stance wider. Nipped at her earlobe, a little more forcefully than one should, eliciting a gasp. Put her moment of distraction to good use.

“There were a bunch of other people in the mess and you almost made me cum. Who’s the tease?”

Felt his pant-buttons yield, heard the rasping of his fly being pulled down. Most of all felt his erection, straining against the fabric for what felt like an eternity now. Pushed his blues down together with his briefs in one go, hand pressing against him instantly.

He groaned.

“I am!”

Pushed him against the shelf at his back forcefully, a roll of toilet-paper tumbling down next to him. Heard her snicker in the dark. He retaliated, opened her own pants at a lightning speed, making the most of the bit of concentration he still had. Heard her gasp when he dipped, finding excitement, a throaty groan escaping her at that.

Felt her pull at him, pushed back, the shelf at her back rattling. Miles not caring about the handle of a mop hitting the back of his head, not even capable to mourn their choice of location.

“You got protection?”

Her question breathed so close to his ear, electricity jolting through him. Could barely think, tried to remember what he had in his pant pockets, realizing that a condom wasn’t among the things in it.

Kneeled down anyway, fished for his pants and rummaged through them. Could feel her gaze on him, even though he couldn’t see it, something between amused and impatient.

“Got none.”

Her answer coming quick.”

“Shit. Patty is changing my pill, so we’d be pretty darn stupid if we did it anyway.”

Groaned in frustration, but then sighing.

“We make the best of it?”

Felt her hands on him quickly again, reciprocated, fingers dipping and making her moan.

Frustration got the better of her.

“Fuck, I’d kill for a condom!”

And then the door to their little closet opened.

Buccaneer stood there, open mouthed, looking at them. She was half-bare, shirt pushed above her bra, thankfully still on, or Buccaneer would’ve suffered a stroke. Pants open, but still up. He on the other hand was still wearing his shirt, but his pants had already gone south. Was exposed in a rather unflattering and embarrassing manner.

Olivier fished for her uniform-jacket, holding it in front of _him_ , not able to supress a giggle.

The big man slammed the door shut after a few more bewildered moments, blushing furiously, leaving them in the dark again.

Her laughter broke out in earnest now, breathless and loud. He himself started to laugh now too, a bit miffed, but the mood had passed anyway. Asked her something, mirth in his voice and more of her wonderful laughter on his mind, knowing that they’d find a moment to make up for their now ruined privacy sooner rather than later.

“Think he’d have brought us one, had we asked?”

Olivier leaning against him now, barely able to hold herself upright, almost shrieking.

* * *

 

“In a supply-closet, really?!”

He shrugged, face neutral.

“Wasn’t it you that once told me about a raunchy episode in a restaurant toilet?”

Buccaneer huffing, corners of his huge mouth set.

“Yeah, but nobody walked in on us doing the do.”

Defended them, quickly.

“We weren’t!”

A nasty smile now stretching Buccaneers face, Miles silently glad that they’d been friends for so long, was always sure when the man was joking.

“Why not? Pissed of the boss?”

He shrugged, seeing no need to withhold the truth, though he usually liked to leave his private life just as that. But Buccaneer had interrupted them, was due a few good jokes at his expense.

“We had no protection.”

A problem, a good thing that they hadn’t gone further, really.

“Sucks. What happened then?”

The question unusually nosy for the Captain, thought stranger things had happened.

“You came in.”

“And then?”

Feeling the man’s impatience and having fun with it.

“You left.”

“Miles, I swear to the gods old and new…”

Snickered inwardly

“We couldn’t after that.”

Left out the fact that Olivier had been dying of laughter, unable to concentrate. Not that he’d been in the mood still. That there’d been no need for a condom anymore.

Watched out of the corner of his eyes when realization hit Buccaneer, the sly gripe at him, totally deserved for interrupting what was a rare moment of weakness for Olivier and him.

“Are you saying that my face doubles as a contraceptive?!”

As an answer, he shrugged.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), whose goal is to improve communication between readers and authors. I invite you to leave:
> 
> _Short comments_   
>  _Long comments_   
>  _Questions_   
>  _Constructive criticism_   
>  _Reader-reader interaction_
> 
> I reply to every comment, though it sometimes takes me a day, or two.
> 
> I thank you for reading this fic of mine through to the end. I appreciate all comments and kudos and should you want to get into direct contact with me [this is my tumblr](http://illidria.tumblr.com/)


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